Your partner falling out of love with you is one of the most agonising things to witness. Every day, you see them slipping away. The thing is, it starts slowly, almost unnoticeable. You see it happening before your very eyes, you hear it every time you talk. Every little thing catches your eye and it hurts more than the last time. At first you try to hold on with everything you have, but like sand he slips through your fingers and you know there’s nothing you can do to stop it. So you do the only sensible, the only right thing there is to do: you let go.
I was eleven and you were that mischievous guy in class who caught my attention. We stole glances at each other across the classroom, passed notes and learned about each other's feelings through a friend. We had phone calls, conference calls and the good old MSN chats. But we somehow never had the guts to talk to each other face to face for longer than a minute. We were so young and shy.
I was thirteen and you were eighteen days of just for fun. I couldn't care less about how you felt afterwards because I didn't felt anything for you. Sorry.
I was fourteen and you were a classmate whom I first knew as "the guy from the other class who likes you", when I was thirteen. It was all weird and uncomfortable with you, at least that's what I felt. I couldn't handle your fluctuating emotions. You poured your heart out, wrote poems and stories for me but I broke your heart at fifteen, unintentionally. You then turned morose and became really harsh, and I only just got even more afraid of you.
I was fifteen and you were the newly retained guy in class from the previous batch. You were smart, rebellious and a little hot tempered. They were afraid of you. They tried to pull me away from you, but they couldn't. I saw the endearing side of you and I was stubborn. I believed I could fix you because you were the first one who made me felt love, fear and brokenhearted, all in one seating. Day by day, letters after letters, texts after texts, calls after calls, fights after fights, you had me spun round and round in your heart. You knew me so well and always had a way through my heart. I loved you enough to give you all my trust and forgiveness even on days where you get on my nerves. I laughed, I cried, I feared, I struggled, I screamed, but I stayed on. And all you did was running around leaving scars, tearing love apart, collecting your jar of hearts. Who do you think you are? Oh right, my first love.
I was seventeen and you were supposedly his good friend. Despite knowing that I couldn't get over him just yet, you were there for me regardlessly. You were caring, thoughtful, humorous, adorable and really hardworking. We cried, we laughed, we tried new things, we explored new places and most importantly, we had fun together. Our journey together is a memory that I will always hold dearly in my heart. We were comfortably happy, but we took each other for granted. In short, we had great times, but we screwed up.
I was nineteen and you were a quick fix for my emptiness. I was lonely and you were too. In fact, nobody knew about us. I just wanted to save our ruined friendship from sixteen but it went the wrong way. And so we eventually fizzled.
I was twenty and you were a mystery I never solved. We were complete opposites and we just weren't for each other. I couldn't feel your love nor understand your thought process. I doubted your claims and I was right. You were just a jerk.
I was twenty one and you were too good to be true, indeed. You knew the right words to say and the right things to do. You tried so hard to bring down the walls I built over the years, and you succeeded. I couldn't believed that I found you. But women's instinct at it's best. You were just a coward, living under the covers of a gentleman.
I am twenty two and you were the one I didn’t see coming. You were water and I was fire. I knew you weren't right for me, but I went ahead anyway. We were a mess. The harder I try to feign ignorance or try to fix the mess, the messier we got. I had no idea how to make it all better again. I didn't want you, but yet I longed for your presence. It took me long enough to realise that it was just my heart mistaking closeness for affection and then turning it into infatuation. So I decided to divert my attention away from you and keep myself busy, living the life I had before you came along. Eventually, the feelings slowly became numb and one fine day, it finally doesn't hurt anymore when I look at you. And that's when I realise.. all I had to do was simply just stepping out from the mess.
To the next you whom I will meet when the time comes, I hope you understand that emotions are supposed to be raw, ugly and brutal. I don't want you to 'sorta' love me. I want that love to be a bursting flame, not a candle. I'll risk heartbreaks, tears and sleepless nights just to meet the right you, but I'll also be brave enough to let go of you because I can't make you love me if you don't.
I was thirteen and you were eighteen days of just for fun. I couldn't care less about how you felt afterwards because I didn't felt anything for you. Sorry.
I was fourteen and you were a classmate whom I first knew as "the guy from the other class who likes you", when I was thirteen. It was all weird and uncomfortable with you, at least that's what I felt. I couldn't handle your fluctuating emotions. You poured your heart out, wrote poems and stories for me but I broke your heart at fifteen, unintentionally. You then turned morose and became really harsh, and I only just got even more afraid of you.
I was fifteen and you were the newly retained guy in class from the previous batch. You were smart, rebellious and a little hot tempered. They were afraid of you. They tried to pull me away from you, but they couldn't. I saw the endearing side of you and I was stubborn. I believed I could fix you because you were the first one who made me felt love, fear and brokenhearted, all in one seating. Day by day, letters after letters, texts after texts, calls after calls, fights after fights, you had me spun round and round in your heart. You knew me so well and always had a way through my heart. I loved you enough to give you all my trust and forgiveness even on days where you get on my nerves. I laughed, I cried, I feared, I struggled, I screamed, but I stayed on. And all you did was running around leaving scars, tearing love apart, collecting your jar of hearts. Who do you think you are? Oh right, my first love.
I was seventeen and you were supposedly his good friend. Despite knowing that I couldn't get over him just yet, you were there for me regardlessly. You were caring, thoughtful, humorous, adorable and really hardworking. We cried, we laughed, we tried new things, we explored new places and most importantly, we had fun together. Our journey together is a memory that I will always hold dearly in my heart. We were comfortably happy, but we took each other for granted. In short, we had great times, but we screwed up.
I was nineteen and you were a quick fix for my emptiness. I was lonely and you were too. In fact, nobody knew about us. I just wanted to save our ruined friendship from sixteen but it went the wrong way. And so we eventually fizzled.
I was twenty and you were a mystery I never solved. We were complete opposites and we just weren't for each other. I couldn't feel your love nor understand your thought process. I doubted your claims and I was right. You were just a jerk.
I was twenty one and you were too good to be true, indeed. You knew the right words to say and the right things to do. You tried so hard to bring down the walls I built over the years, and you succeeded. I couldn't believed that I found you. But women's instinct at it's best. You were just a coward, living under the covers of a gentleman.
I am twenty two and you were the one I didn’t see coming. You were water and I was fire. I knew you weren't right for me, but I went ahead anyway. We were a mess. The harder I try to feign ignorance or try to fix the mess, the messier we got. I had no idea how to make it all better again. I didn't want you, but yet I longed for your presence. It took me long enough to realise that it was just my heart mistaking closeness for affection and then turning it into infatuation. So I decided to divert my attention away from you and keep myself busy, living the life I had before you came along. Eventually, the feelings slowly became numb and one fine day, it finally doesn't hurt anymore when I look at you. And that's when I realise.. all I had to do was simply just stepping out from the mess.
To the next you whom I will meet when the time comes, I hope you understand that emotions are supposed to be raw, ugly and brutal. I don't want you to 'sorta' love me. I want that love to be a bursting flame, not a candle. I'll risk heartbreaks, tears and sleepless nights just to meet the right you, but I'll also be brave enough to let go of you because I can't make you love me if you don't.
