Another interesting topic. Okay, so if first love means first boyfriend I've ever had, then its when I was 12 years old. If it means the first time I've loved someone, then it would be 15 years old. I had my first boyfriend when I was 12 years old. Well, it was the lame crush kind of relationship. In fact, we never even date like normal couples do, nor did we even held hands. It was the innocent and innocent - I like you, you like me - kind of relationship. Coming to think about it, it was kind of dumb though. The only moments we shared together were chatting on the phone daily, stealing glances at each other shyly in classes, passing notes, chatting on msn. And this is how we got together.
Hahahaha, yeah, I am the kind that will keep this kind of things in a box, tucked away at the corner of my cupboard. We lasted about 5 months? We separated when we were 2 months into different secondary schools. The break up was peaceful. I didn't cry or anything, it's just like; Orh, okay. Hahahaha, so I'm very sure this isn't love.
My next relationship was even more dumb. It happened when I was 13 and it lasted only 18 days? But we did held hands and hang out together after school. Chat on the phone, talk to each other in classes and took neoprints? Aiya, it was a no feeling relationship. It ended abruptly too.
I had my first kiss when I was 14, in the lift while he sent me home one day. It was a quick awkward peck on the lips. I struggled before it happened. It wasn't a very magical first kiss. Hahaha, mainly because I wasn't really in love with the guy? It was a very uncomfortable relationship, as far as I remember why it didn't work out. Now I know why parents are always telling us not to get into a relationship when we are so young. Because its all just infatuation.
I forgot how long this relationship lasted, but I remember I hurt the person quite a lot while getting into my next relationship, which I considered it my first love. The first time I really got head over heels in love with a guy.
I believe I've grown up a lot through my first love. It lasted for a year and three months, with countless breaking ups and patching back in between. I guess the reason why I got so in love with this guy is because he is the only one that knows me the best. My weaknesses, my strengths, my habits, my favorite foods, everything, he knows it all. I didn't put in much effort for this relationship as he was the one guiding me along all the time. I relied on him a lot.
The reason why we didn't worked out was initially because he was a player, and I was dumb. Throughout our whole journey, there are more than 5 different girls then got in between us one by one. When all of his player moments ended, he was faithful. But good days don't last long enough. The biggest problem happened, and that's what I believed to be the main reason why we didn't work out.
He became over possessive, controlling and protective towards me. I wasn't allowed to talk to any other guys, and sometimes even my girlfriends. I wasn't allowed to reply texts in one word, or reply late without any explanation. It was tiring, and scary, and I cried a lot. Loads of people asked me why don't I just break up with him and end all this pain. He made me lost tons of friends. Despite being so controlling, he is a sweet talker. Even after all the times where I felt so scared and wanted to just end it all, he will bring me back to him, in love all over again with his sweet talks, and sometimes sweet actions. Tons of love letters, jokes that made me smiled again and the reassurance that he will change. Of course, he didn't change.
Although he was a jerk, he didn't laid a finger on me. Even when I hit him when I'm angry, he doesn't fight back. He's the first guy that made me screamed at the top of my lungs, cried till I couldn't breathe properly and laughed till I couldn't stop.
I built up my courage to finally leave him after I had my O Levels, right before receiving our results. Even so, I admit, I wasn't really over him even after 6 months later, when I got on to the next relationship. I took more than a year to get over him, and finally realize the treasure I had. But it was all too late. I've hurt the guy too much. But he was forgiving. And I was thankful for that.
That relationship started when I was 17. He was the first guy that I've officially introduced to my family as my boyfriend. This relationship is the first one that I've put in so much effort on. We went on dates like regular couples do. It was a "以结婚为前提" kind of relationship. Hahahaha. How it failed is another story all together. I've posted about it before.
After having went through all these, I'm now more careful in choosing a boyfriend. I no longer just get into a relationship just because he likes me and I like him. I think far ahead, like, if this guy is a boyfriend material or a husband material. Does he treats his parents well? Will he treat me well? Is he for real? Is he responsible? Am I comfortable? Will my parents like him?
I can't quite spell out exactly what's my type of guy, but I know it in my heart when I secretly judge guys. Oops!
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