1. In 2018, I travelled a whole lot, 8 times to be exact. Three of those were lucky opportunities to travel for business!
MAR - Genting Dream Cruise - Phuket, Thailand & Penang & Port Klang, Malaysia
MAY - Chennai, India (Business)
JUN - Hong Kong & Macau, China
JUL - Dubai, UAE (Business)
AUG - Sydney & Gold Coast, Australia then Kaoshiung & Taipei, Taiwan
NOV - Nairobi, Kenya & Accra, Ghana (Business)
DEC - Jegu, Busan & Seoul, South Korea
Amongst the three business trips, I was lucky enough to have the chance to travel on Business Class flights twice, once to Dubai, UAE and the second time to Africa (Nairobi, Kenya & Accra, Ghana) which I stayed there for 3 weeks and even had a 2D1N Safari Experience! My very first business trip was to Chennai, India which I also enjoyed because it was my first time travelling without any of my family members.
I also self-planned two itineraries for the first time! One was to Hong Kong & Macau with my mother, and the other to Taipei & Kaohsiung with my parents!
In 2019, I hope to have even more opportunities for business trips, and of course, personal vacations too.
2. In 2018, I had my first yacht experience, thanks to Michelle!
3. In 2018, I bought life insurance.
4. In 2018, I bought an iMac and became a Mac convert.
I'm lazy.. so here's a copy of my Instagram caption when I bought it!
After months and months of contemplation... I FINALLY BOUGHT AN IMAC!!! 😃 I used to be a loyal windows user throughout my poly and uni life despite being in a design course whereby 99% of my classmates were using MacBooks. 👩🏻💻 I just refused to join in the “trend” of owning a MacBook. 😅 Even after graduation and moving on to my first job, they were using windows there and I was quite relieved and happy. 😀 All was fine until I joined my current job and realised I have to use an iMac for work.. it was like “oh shit 🙂, what’s this 😰, where’s that 🧐, what how... 😩” going through my mind when I was settling in during my first few days. Fast forward 1 year later... here am I realising the powers of an iMac. I’m sold. Take my money. Take my $4.3k. You’re mine, iMac. 😍
5. In 2018, I stay true to being an android soul despite converting to Mac. I bought a Google pixel!
I am now #teampixel.
6. In 2018, I subscribed to Netflix and never stopped binge watching.
In 2019, I hope Netflix becomes free. :) #dreaming
7. In 2018, I signed up for fitness classes and became fitter.
Because I gained weight after all my travelling, it's crazy... BUT, I managed to lose 5kg in the end by cutting carbs!
In 2019, I hope to lose 8 more kgs!
8. In 2018, I learnt how to properly swim a breaststroke without relying on the nose stopper.
All that swimming during my Africa business trip has paid off! My dream of being able to comfortably breathe out through my nose in the water FINALLY HAPPENED.
In 2019, I hope to nail the freestyle stroke!
9. In 2018, I finally have a bedroom I'm proud to call mine.
It's still a work in progress, but it's happening! After my sister got married last year march... she finally finished moving all her stuff, TODAY! We used to share a bedroom and a study room, to which.. our stuff were scattered across two rooms. So we never had a room to ourselves before.
In 2019, I can't wait to finish revamping my bedroom!
He never laid a hand on me. He never even threatened to. He never even once made me feel like he might. But somehow he still made me ache from inside out. How many times did it take for me to leave, and how many times did I crumbled and went back?
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship feels like a string of surprises, of trick doors and funhouse mirrors, in a circus that you don’t remember buying a ticket to but then waking up inside of one day and realizing the one you love is the Ringmaster.
It's been six months now and moving on has been so hard because it took so long for me to understand that it was never love. I spent so long making excuses for him, making excuses for my own naivety. I allowed him to destroy me for too long, two years to be exact. I allowed him to convince me that I was the one with the problem.
It wasn’t love when he lashed out at me for not answering the phone only once.
It wasn’t love when he called me over and over again and sent me nasty text messages while I was at work and couldn’t respond.
It wasn't love when he assumed every guy I'm talking to must be interested in me, including one-time casual conversations with grabhitch drivers.
It wasn't love when he made me question if I'll ever be good enough for him.
It wasn't love when he told me that he isn't someone like that but because I did the things I did, it made him act like that.
It wasn’t love, and it was never love, but the scariest part about it, is that I thought that it was. Love isn't supposed to feel like this. Love isn't supposed to keep me on my toes anxiously in fear of saying something "wrong" that might trigger a reaction I already saw coming. Emotional abuse penetrates a victim to their marrow, but unlike physical abuse, there are no marks to prove any damage.
Sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how to love; and sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how not to love. How not to settle, how not to shrink ourselves ever again.
In 2019, I want to stop rushing to find love. I want to slow down and pace myself. I want to stay single until staying single no longer makes sense. Safeguard my heart until I find someone worthy of holding the key. And if I do not find anyone who meets my expectations, do not settle. Do not rearrange my desires. I want to keep my heart to myself and hold onto it for just a little while longer. I am going to reach my next milestone at the right moment. I am going to find the right person when I am ready. I am not behind. Relationships are not a race.
That being said... I still dream about meeting my soulmate tomorrow. I still hold out hope that one day, I can fall in love madly and effortlessly and have every bit of my affection reciprocated. I still yearn to have someone by my side cheering me on for every small win and comforting me when things don’t go smoothly. I still believe that in the right place and right time, the universe will place the right person in my life.
And if I can’t have that yet, I’m not going to settle for anything less. I’m not going to ignore my instinct and settle for anyone that is only doing the minimum to keep me around. I’m not going to bend myself backwards and compromise my standards for someone who isn’t sure of me and is obviously so wrong for me.
This year opened my eyes to the kind of love that I truly deserve. I deserve to be with someone who sees me. Someone who sees the depths of my soul. Someone who sees the universe within me. I deserve a love that is good for my health — mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I deserve someone who recognizes my past, my flaws and my weaknesses. Someone who will still adore every part of me. I deserve the kind of love with kept promises. A love that constantly gives reassurance. I deserve someone who will never leave, no matter how hard it gets. Someone who will know how to love in all terms and conditions. I deserve to find my forever person, the answer to all the whys and the one who always feels right.
So for now, I will just focus on letting my heart heal itself. Healing is not an overnight process. It takes a lot of time, energy, and willpower to do it. It’s a constant decision to untie ourselves from all the toxicity around us and to become stronger so that disappointments won’t get to us. It’s the power of knowing that we can love someone, and still walk away from them with our head high because we know that we deserve better.
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