(Made that link big because I don't want anyone to miss that and think its me. -.-)
I only managed to read the 1st part abt the toilet incident last night as I could not continue reading the 2nd part due to my uncontrollable laughter. Read the 2nd part today but I still think the 1st one was SUPER HILARIOUS. Anyway, its below! Copy pasted over here so you guys can read STRAIGHT AWAY and laugh like siao. Haha! :D
Oh yah, I just realised, if you don't understand Hokkien, the first one might not be funny to you. Eeee. I don't want anyone to miss the funny part ley. I shall translate that Hokkien part for those who don't understand Hokkien. (:
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Embarrassing incident at tampines prime foodcourt
i m writing this as an experience that i have came across the 1st time
went for lunch at tampines prime foodcourt (blk 500 plus) - the indian rojak stall serve very good food
anyway as per normal i have a "good digestive system" and during my lunch i have a urgent need to release the load in my stomach .. faster rush to the toilet paid the guy 20 cents and went in.
the toilets are designed in a way that the male n female toilets are seperated by a cardboard wall kinda thing
saw the last toilet empty so went in, its the seating kind but the rims are dirty with footprints etc sigh .. wanted to clean but i only have 1 packet of tissue so i cant risk that .. bo pian need to squat on the seats as with wat other users have done.
the act of trying to balance on the seats with working shoes (flat wood soles) is extremely difficult, scared slip n fall on the ground or worst fall into the bowl plus cant take out pants as the floor was dirty n wet - i believe some bros experience this - soo .. the pants were at my ankle and i was trying to get on top of the seat to get into the squatting position when all hell broke loose ..
while trying to get up - 1 leg up first 2nd leg up - i had a huge fart followed by 1 fishball sized dropping coming out .. this is in the middle of trying to get up n balance !!
unfortunately the dropping did not hit its target - it dropped on the seat instead and i dunno how it bounced off to the floor and rolled over to the neighbour's cubicle which is e female toilet which is obvious because i can hear the lady's conversation while i was trying to get up the seat .... "wo zai toilet lor .. jin tian report hen tua etc etc" when suddenly
the next thing i heard was "eeeee you dong xi pow lai wor de cubicle !!! den yi sia .." there was a brief silence " eeeee xi da pian !!! waaah piang !!! you ren the da pian diow sia lai pow lai wo zhe pian !!! eeee " she started banging the cubicle wall ... i faster terek the balance of my poo and got dressed trying to rush out before her !!!
went back to continue lunch while laffing away at myself ...
i m writing this as an experience that i have came across the 1st time
went for lunch at tampines prime foodcourt (blk 500 plus) - the indian rojak stall serve very good food
anyway as per normal i have a "good digestive system" and during my lunch i have a urgent need to release the load in my stomach .. faster rush to the toilet paid the guy 20 cents and went in.
the toilets are designed in a way that the male n female toilets are seperated by a cardboard wall kinda thing
saw the last toilet empty so went in, its the seating kind but the rims are dirty with footprints etc sigh .. wanted to clean but i only have 1 packet of tissue so i cant risk that .. bo pian need to squat on the seats as with wat other users have done.
the act of trying to balance on the seats with working shoes (flat wood soles) is extremely difficult, scared slip n fall on the ground or worst fall into the bowl plus cant take out pants as the floor was dirty n wet - i believe some bros experience this - soo .. the pants were at my ankle and i was trying to get on top of the seat to get into the squatting position when all hell broke loose ..
while trying to get up - 1 leg up first 2nd leg up - i had a huge fart followed by 1 fishball sized dropping coming out .. this is in the middle of trying to get up n balance !!
unfortunately the dropping did not hit its target - it dropped on the seat instead and i dunno how it bounced off to the floor and rolled over to the neighbour's cubicle which is e female toilet which is obvious because i can hear the lady's conversation while i was trying to get up the seat .... "wo zai toilet lor .. jin tian report hen tua etc etc" when suddenly
the next thing i heard was "eeeee you dong xi pow lai wor de cubicle !!! den yi sia .." there was a brief silence " eeeee xi da pian !!! waaah piang !!! you ren the da pian diow sia lai pow lai wo zhe pian !!! eeee " she started banging the cubicle wall ... i faster terek the balance of my poo and got dressed trying to rush out before her !!!
went back to continue lunch while laffing away at myself ...
TRANSLATION OF HOKKIEN WORDS:
the next thing i heard was "eeeee got something rolled to my cubicle !!! wait awhile ah.." there was a brief silence " eeeee its SHIT!!! waaah piang !!! Someone's shit drop down and rolled to my side!!! eeee " she started banging
the cubicle wall ...
Embarassing incident - No.2 - Cab
This incident happened about 2-3 yrs back if i recalled correctly. Our team had just won the best business unit in APAC or something like that so we had a little celebration at one of the eateries in the Orchard belt - It was buffet - got seafood , jap food , western , european etc etc
was working our a#& off so obviously when we reached there , the plates were piled full of goodies that were available. Anyway the usual happened at celebratory dinners - boss thanked all of us etc etc
dinner ended at about 10 plus and it was during the rainy season in mid/end November. Waiting for cab was difficult due to the rain. Bo pian called a cab .. after calling a cab my stomach started to churn "wah chialat ... dunno can loon or not" i tot to myself ... was thinking if i should twa the fella (cabbie) and go toilet first or just tahan ... anyway sometimes when i tahan and not think about it .. the feeling will be gone
halfway through my "meditation" the cab came, sigh bo pian need to go in liao "uncle pasir ris st 71 pls" .. stomach was ok now ... in the cab, small conversations were made la ... "wah uncle today heavy rain your business good ah" etc etc
he went by CTE / PIE ...
Disaster struck ! Chialat .. stomach churning like tornado this time there is not turning back !! halfway through liao and i know i cant make it !! cause i know my own bowels
We just passed Eunos exit at the bottom of the slope when i know its now or never ! " uncle can stop at the shoulder !! I need to .... " he interuppted " u wan to vomit ah ?? !! .. behind got plastic bag !! faster take faster take !! "
" uncle ..... i wan to lau sai liao " .. saying this, i farted at the same time
"waaah, alamak ... here how to stop ? " by this time we were at the eunos flyover "can u tahan or not ? pasir ris very near already .. exit bedok reservoir right?"
"uncle i cannot tahan already !!" have u guys been in a situation when it has to go IT HAS TO GO ?! - i was in that situation ..
waaah chialat liao !!!! think fast , thinkkkk fasssst !!!!
Ding ........
"uncle pls move the passenger seat forward !!!!" i said in a calm manner cause dont wan him to swerve, hit something and get us in trouble, he complied immediately .. this creates a space for me hehe - last time the Toyota Crown very big
As fast as a western cowboy draws his gun from the holster , i took out my pants ! Took the plastic bag, opened it up VERY WIDE and managed to squeeze into a squatting position in that space .. SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT
"waaaaah .... oooommmmppphhhh ... ooooooh ... aiyoooh u lau sai ah ??!!" obviously he could smell it !!
"sorry ah uncle , i really cannot tahan already" by this time he just or already exit via the bedok reservoir exit ... i still got abit more but decided to keep it for home .. paiseh to unload the full amount inside also ... the smell was bad i must admit - i blame the darn oysters !!
Anyway he was trying to wind down the windows slightly to let the foul smelling air out but the rain got into the cab HAHAHAHAH so he bo pian need to wind up n down AHAHHAHAHAHA "alamak raining laaa ... want to wind down also cannot , wind up also peng san !! " he said
"sorry ah uncle, very sorry" was all i could say
Red light !! alamak !! feeling lai liao ... "uncle u got another plastic bag ??" .... " GOT GOT GOT !!! u .... again ah ???!!! AhhhhLaaaaMaaaaak!!!"
I remembered there is a construction site in front after the bend towards tampines ave 1 .. i told myself that i will loon no matter wat and put this poor man out of his misery "uncle !!! infront after the bend, u keep left there is a construction site there ... i drop me there can ??! faster plssss "
He drove like someone possessed ! in a blink of an eye we were already there ! I also ji tong faster rush out .. found a place in between 2 lorries ... and let go liao !!! it was still raining at the time but not that heavy, i was pleasantly surprised when the uncle walked towards me ... " nah i bring unbrella for u .. raining la " ... "no need uncle no need finishing already" he threw the unbrella near me anyways ... aiyah got unbrella just use lor .. he then walked off ...............................
Only to drive the bloody Toyota Crown nearer to me so when i finished my business its nearer for me ... but he failed to understand that while driving it nearer to me , the headlights are pointing towards ME !!! the silhouette of a person squatting down while hold the umbrella was casting on the walls of the site office !!! It was 10 plus coming 11pm .. still got cars !!!! waaaah piang oiiiiii ... i dont think he noticed lah maybe spraying air freshener or something .. i can see cars now driving pass and looking towards my direction !!!
faster finished it up and sacrificed my underwear .. no more tissues .. all soaked . got in the cab "uncle u shine the light at my direction .. many ppl can see u know !!" HAHHAHAHA "sorry ah i never realise .. u finish already ? sure ah ?" - obviously lah
Reached my place, the fare was about S$16-17 dollars ... gave him S$40 for his trouble and apologized ... "aiyah its ok la .. uncle last time policeman , everything also see before and experience before .. but this one ahhh uncle first time experience hehe
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