JOANNECHIA

People say: "If you hold back your feelings because you are afraid of getting hurt, you end up getting hurt anyway".

All these while, I've been holding back my feelings, lying to myself that I don't love you anymore.
But the matter of fact is, I still do.
I've always loved you, I just stopped showing it.

I've tried treating you coldly.
Thinking that if I treated you this way, you would eventually leave me.
But no, you did not.
No matter how much I tried to make you give up on me, you still did not.
You choose to continue loving me, taking care of me.
Despite how I treated you, you still treated me with care and love.

At times, you would break down, getting all emotionally because of how I treat you.
I know, I'm over doing it.
I know, I'm hurting you.
At the same time, hurting myself.
My heart wants to care for you, love you and treat you good.
But my mind just doesn't let me to.
Because my mind knows that I cannot trust you anymore.

Whats a relationship without trust?
I don't want to be with you and not trust you.
I don't want to doubt your words.
I don't want to feel insecure around you.
So, I'm always using this reason, to keep myself from wanting to go back to you.

But, am I happy?
No, I'm not happy, at all.
Seeing you sad all the time, listening to you crying.
But I still have to be hard-hearted, telling you I don't love you anymore.
Its so hard to fake it through.

People say: "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have".

If I cannot make you how I want you to be, I should learn to accept you.
I need to accept who you are and who you will never be.

I know, I can't bear to leave you behind and just move on.
I know, I can't bear to see you sad anymore.
I know, I'm always waiting for you message to come.
I know, I'm still happy when I saw your name.
I know, I still check your facebook everyday.
I know, I'm always thinking about you.
I know, I can't forget you.
I know, I just can't let you go.

You've broken me so many times.
But I'm giving you one last chance, to bandage this shattered heart.

I can't promise you the world.
I can't promise you that I'll trust you totally,
I can't promise you that I'll never doubt you,
I can't promise you that I'll like all the things you do,
I can't promise you that I'll never answer your questions with "I don't know",
I can't promise you that I can accompany you everywhere,
I can't promise you that I'll not eat instant noodles,
I can't promise you that I'll never make mistakes,
I can't promise you alot.

But I can try the best I can.
I will learn to not keep things to myself.
I will learn to accept you.
I will always be there, whenever you need someone to talk to.
I will not eat instant noodles often.
I will try not to always use "I don't know" to brush off your questions.
I will try to make this love last long.
I will hold on, no matter what.

Love you always, love you still, always have, always will.

You're all that makes me happy but if you break my heart again, I'll kill you.
Just kidding at the kill you part. :p

Instead of looking at your faults, why shan't I look at your goodness?
No matter what happened in the past it doesn't matter, this is now and I love you so much.

"Letting go is not the way of loving someone, it means you're putting him on the wrong path.
Instead, fight for him; that's what true love is."

I know, people are going say things like:
Why am I going back to you again.
Whats so good about you.
Why am I always giving you chances after chances.
Who are you to make me love you so much.
When are we going to break up again.
How is it that our relationship are so draggy.

Its because they don't see you the way I see you.
They aren't part of this relationship.
They don't experience the same thing that I've experienced.

I'm not going to let all this affect me anymore.
I just want this relationship to be only You and Me.